Much of our lives is spent in reaction to others and to events around us. The problem is that these reactions might not always be the best course of action, and as a result, they can make others unhappy, make things worse for us, make the situation worse.
The truth is, we often react without thinking. It’s a gut reaction, often based on fear and insecurities, and it’s not the most rational or appropriate way to act. Responding, on the other hand, is taking the situation in, and deciding the best course of action based on values such as reason, compassion, cooperation, etc.
This choice presents itself to us all the time, whether it’s our mother nagging us, our co-worker being rude, our husband not being kind enough, and so on. Does this sound familiar? I have been in this very place more times than I care to admit. Since I always regret reacting like this, I am trying to learn to respond, not react. There will always be external events that bother us, but if we learn to respond and not just react, we can make things better and not worse. Let’s learn to respond, not react together.
PAUSE AND BREATHE
A simple thing that can make all the difference in responding appropriately is to take a moment or two to Pause and Breathe. Ensure you are not beginning to React without thoughtful assessment of the situation. We can observe this urge to act irrationally arise, acknowledge it and let it go. Sometimes that takes a few seconds, other times it means we should remove ourselves politely from the situation and let ourselves cool down before we respond. We don’t have to act immediately, just because we have an internal reaction. We can pause, not act, breathe.
GET PERSPECTIVE
Our best decisions are made when our emotions are not completely ruling the process. During the pause, think about your overall objectives and goals and how this specific situation fits into it, it will be much easier to decide on the best response. Seeing things for what they are, and not getting lost in the minutia of the situation, will help to ensure you make the best choices instead of making a "knee-jerk reaction". Instead of going into Fight or Flight mode, emotions must be in check and combined with facts in order to make the best decisions.
DEVELOP HINDSIGHT
With time (during the pause), consider your options and the potential consequences of your choices will ensure you make the best decisions possible. Try to visualize the results of the possible consequences before you act will ensure you make the best decisions possible. Developing your hindsight is useful in making sound decisions and responding appropriately to various situations in both work and family.
Kudos to you for taking the right step in managing your baggage of emotions! You will soon develop greater mindfulness and be able to handle difficult situations like a capable individual. Always be patient as things don't happen overnight! Pause and handle situations one step at a time.
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